tate’s space

My current favorite space in our house is Tate’s cozy nook in our room . . .

I love how everything of his is contained and organized in this small yet functional space.

(my inspiration)

Books & toys & clothes from friends and family.  A small jar of shells that Isla and I collected last November (2016) in which I was still carrying my sweet baby Nicholas.  It was his first and only visit to the beach.  That trip and our small collection will always be special to me.  The wardrobe I painted green at 8.5 months pregnant (it had to be green – my pregnancy told me so :)).  His white baptismal outfit and blanket.  A crib with sheets and a pillow that I felt were absolutely necessary that I make for him (again, pregnancy makes you crazy like that!).  The heart pillow that I made right after our move to Alabama.  The puppy and boy who are bound to be great friends.  The pup is still trying to figure out where my belly went and where this tiny noisemaker came from.  She is a bit jealous of the attention I give to Tate, but is slowly growing used to her new friend.

Our trip to the beach last November . . .

a southern snow

We haven’t bought official “snow clothes” in almost five years. So enjoy the menagerie (especially the girl’s). I now have a laundry room floor full of cold wet socks, gloves, hats and scarves, but it’s well worth the cozy afternoon we’ve had at home. In Alabama, even an inch of snow closes almost everything down. This, leaving us nothing to do but play, eat, and cuddle an almost one month old. Not to mention, Dad got to come home early. All things combined equivalent to a small slice of winter heaven. Hopefully it will “stick” around until tomorrow.

h i m

candleIMG_8071

A year ago today, rocking and patting a newborn on the bum and hearing squeaks and grunts was just a dream that had ended too soon.  This past year has been one full of emotions (more than the usual) and personal growth. I still feel as if I am trying to process and embrace it all.

A year ago today, I gave birth to our unborn child Nicholas Lynn at 17 weeks pregnant.

We went in for a routine ultrasound (to check and see if my placenta had moved up with the growth of the baby) and after a long silence it was evident that something was most definitely wrong.  A tear crept down my cheek and what was only moments later, but felt like days, the tech said she could not find the heartbeat and the growth of our beautiful unborn child was only measuring around 15 weeks.  Bryan and I both began to sob and embrace each other.  Like all the others that have been through this for the first time, we just never imagined . . .

Daily, it’s the small things that remind me.  There are some days I think of you with joy and others sadness.   Although, we have been blessed with another sweet babe, we still miss you so.  I believe with all my heart that you along with our loving and great God played a huge role in us conceiving Mr. Tate.  You will always be a part of us and him.  You are our mighty Saint Nicholas!

Today we celebrated your first birthday by singing the birthday song and eating this. I think God everyday for giving you to me for the time that he did and I know Tate will always have a little piece of you in his heart and soul.  You enabled my dream to pick up where it left off.  We will always love you so!

(it took me year to write this and as you can see I still fumble around with the words.  i feel them in my heart, but am not for sure if the exact right ones can or will ever be written.)

Nicholas’s birthday dessert . . .

making it + snuggles

(photo from November 30th. a small sampling of “all the things”- including a tired babe.)

Trying to do all the things, all at once while still maintaining adequate snuggle time is the struggle these days.  While cleaning up after dinner yesterday, I realized I could make the choice – either sit down and cry or just be at peace and grateful with the fact that “we’re making it”.  While nothing got marked off of the to do list (things only seem to have gotten added), we did make it to church for the second time as a family of five, we all got clothed and fed, the house now feels cozy and holidayish, the kids are happy and extra merry with the thought of Christmas around the bend, a warm dinner was served, the littlest of us got nursed and had several diaper changes, the dog was taken for a short walk, and the third day and first week of advent were celebrated with small treats for the kids and extra prayers and thankfulness at dinner time.  So yes, no BIG achievements are being accomplished here these days, but I’ll take “making it” (as long as there is still time for snuggles).

This year’s advent calendar/ countdown and “wreath”.